I've Lost My Sheep!

Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot recently, and I came to a totally expected and completely non-surprising conclusion: Boys and girls think very differently. I was observing my brothers in their natural habitat, which is to say in the man-cave playing Call of Duty, when I realized this. My brothers are way into guns and hunting and stuff like that, and they have to know absolutely everything about guns. It drives me nuts sometimes ‘cuz they’re always asking me questions I would NEVER have the answers to and telling me stuff I will NEVER have to know. Then I thought: “I never asked questions when I was younger. I just made stuff up and assumed I was right.” Still do.  

For example, when I picked up a big red apple at the grocery store, my mom told me we didn’t want those ones (because they were too expensive). Along comes a frail old lady, who picks up one of the apples, and I panicked. I stood up in the cart and screamed at the poor woman at the top of my lungs: “Don’t buy that apple! Don’t you know how Snow White DIED?!?!” I’m pretty sure she was scared for her life. Similar experience with my preschool teacher when I stopped her in the hall and told her she would die from drinking coffee. But probably the best experience happened when I was in the first grade. When I was little I was taught that alcohol was bad for you. So, naturally I assumed that all of the world’s problems were caused by beer and such. To the surprise of my first grade teacher, I decided to write a poem about it. Here’s a little bit of it:

 Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep

Well, DUH!
That’s what happens when you get drunk.

 There is a reason I don’t write poetry often, but I sincerely hope my poetry has gotten better since then. Seriously, that didn’t even rhyme. But the point is…I have no idea what possessed my six-year-old mind to believe that this harmless nursery rhyme was actually a stand against alcohol. I just always accepted it as fact. Little Bo Peep was a raging alcoholic. Now, to this day, whenever I do something stupid, my family will ask me if I’ve lost my sheep.

            Since I’d like to believe I’m not the only crazy person out there making outlandish assumptions about life, I’m going to generalize and say that all girls think this way to some degree. Girls like to pick apart situations and speculate. Guys like to deal in facts. But guys, remember this. Girls are always right. Even when we’re wrong, we’re right. In the wise words of Captain Jack Sparrow, “A gentleman allows a lady to maintain her fictions.” J

 PS: Disregard the title of this post. I’m not actually drunk.