Another One Bites The Dust

            I took a beginning journalism class my freshman year in college, and one of the assignments that stuck with me was one where we were told to write our own obituaries. I was halfway through composing a gripping, yet touching story of my own gruesome demise, when my teacher added “Now, don’t get cute.”  What’s that supposed to mean?! This story was anything but cute…Since then, I’ve put a lot of serious thought into how I would prefer to die. I’m not morbid, but it’s something interesting to think about. Some people would like to die a quiet, painless death at an old age. I think I’d prefer to go out with a bang, which brings me to my final decision. When my time comes, I want to get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex…in space. This, I think, is the coolest possible way to die.

In a way, I’ve been planning this since I was four years old. I was OBSESSED with dinosaurs, to the point where I cried and tore my best friend apart with my vicious four-year-old rhetoric when she knocked the head off my T-Rex piñata at my birthday party. That curly-haired, flat-nosed, frilly-dress-wearing dinosaur murderer didn’t stand a chance. Moral of the story? Dinosaurs trump friends. Everytime. I asked my mom to buy me a new Barbie doll, not because I wanted to give her makeovers and dress her all pretty-like, but because my toy dinosaurs were hungry. Dinosaurs were my life.

T-Rex Food

            I had already decided that I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up (Yes, I could totally say that word at the age of four). Why? Well, because I’d seen Jurassic Park, that’s why. I was thoroughly convinced that THAT was the life of a paleontologist: run around on Isna Sorna and avoid getting eaten by ferocious scaly beasts. I was crushed when I found out that in reality, paleontologists have kind of a sucky job. This discovery was devastating for me, because at the age of 9, I had to change my entire life’s plan. So inconvenient. How will I ever make a name for myself in this cruel world? That’s when I decided that if I can’t accomplish anything of note, I might as well die in the most memorable way possible.

Oh, but my plans don’t stop there. After my untimely demise, I plan to put the “fun” in funeral. I strongly believe that my funeral should be a reflection of my life, so I planned it all out. There will be space and dinosaur decorations, carnival rides, costumes. Oh, and I want them to play “Another One Bites The Dust!” The point is that when I’m gone, I don’t want people to be sad. I want them to celebrate who I was, and this way, my loved ones won’t know whether to laugh or cry. They will be confused and entertained. Yes, yes. Those are my plans. And after all is said and done, I will go down in history as the girl who died by space T-Rex. Someday, somehow.

Here I Am! Looove Me. ;)

Oh, hello...I’m Melissa…Turner. And I’ve started a blog. I don’t know why exactly this feels like an awkward introduction to a total stranger ‘cuz I’m actually kinda talking to myself. I can’t imagine who else would be reading this besides maybe my mom. But, oh well. I like to rant about random things in my head, and my therapist thinks a blog would be a good outlet for that. Well, I’m sure that’s what my therapist would say if I had one. Here’s the thing. I’m a writer. And I’m bored. There are too many thoughts bouncing around in my head everyday, and if they stay there my head might explode, which would be neither attractive nor ideal. So…As much as you might think I’m writing this for you…I’m not. This is for me.

I’m a 20-year-old English major, studying at Brigham Young University – Idaho. Currently, I’m chillin’ at home in Minnesota. I love camping, fishing, baseball, dating, music, video games, dinosaurs, and eating things I shouldn’t at 3 in the morning. I hate spiders, chick flicks, and ventriloquist dummies. But enough of that. You will get a taste of who I am soon enough.

Until then! ;D